Week 8 Tweets of the Week

The pickings have been lush this week, but my time has been limited.

That said, with some new follows and more time on my hands in the near future, this week's crops should be a harbinger of good things to come.

Charlie Sheen is now my least favorite Baldwin brother.
@stephenkruiser - But he's the gift that keeps on giving

I have lost in golf to Charles Barkley. I'm so bad in an odd way it's even better than being good. It's pure, uncut Augusta Dilaudid
@DennisDMZ - Don't have a clue what that means, but it makes me laugh - glad to see he's now on the Twitter train

#VT government says "non-essential" employees should not come in. So Gov. Shumlin stays on vacation.
@MattCrawford - Hey, it's been a long six weeks in office. Why should he half to stick around for the few weeks the legislature is actually in session

Amazing that my kids still love mac & cheese!
@BradRobertson - More suprising you still feed it to them

In honor of Mardi Gras I am tweeting topless.
@StephenAtHome - Steven Colbert seldom disappoints

Nature is a ten ton bitch who craps wherever she wants.
@stephenkrusier - An interesting way to put it, but apt in regards to Japan

If you listen closely you can hear the gas pump tell your kid's college fund to go &*%! itself.
@MartyFLawrence - And it's only getting worse

Look closely in Nancy Pelosi’s eyes when she’s pretending to think and you can see the rotating beachball that appears when your Mac crashes
@DennisDMZ - Wish we could just reboot and have her go away

#thingsthatdontgotogether Facebook & a relationship
@davechappelle - Unless you are looking for a relationship that doesn't involve actually seeing the other person ... ever

Why do people put designs on toilet paper? It's not like when they wipe their butts there gonna be like Oh my! A brown flower!!
@MartyFLawrence - Ewww!

Odds are high we could be matched up with #harvard #bostoncollege or #CofCharleston in the #nit #MarchMadness @UVMmbb #Uvm #SelectionSunday
@VermontSports - What were the odds of Cleveland State?

These last two are mine and both meant in good fun.

Tom Haley is the Cliff Clavin of VT sportswriters - amazing amount of knowledge about nothing - mean that in a good way!, 4 real #vtplayoffs
@scorrow

Are they playing algebra? RT @LamoureuxPhoto: Mt Abe leads Lamoille 1w-1e after w qtr. #vtplayoffs.
@scorrow

Tweets of the Week - part 7

Sitting in a Motel 6 after nearly getting stranded on my way home from the Freeps and the next best thing - besides heat, a bed (hopefully without bed bugs) and plumbing - is that I have so much coffee coursing through my veins that at 2:19 a.m. I'm still motivated to keep the Tweets of the Week alive for at least one more week.

I've started following some prolific and funny guys - Dave Chappelle, Martin Lawrence and Chris Tucker - to name a few. Good for a laugh, but not good for quoting in on a PG-13 rated blog. Still, if you have an account, they are worth the price of admission.

Without further digression, digressation, or forget it. Here's the TotW.

Charlie Sheen takes early lead for Quote of the Year: "You can't process me with a normal brain." @robneyer - I think we have a winner.

Watching Charlie Sheen on CNN. That dude is coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs @PeteAbe - More like coo-coo for coke.

Never realized 2 1/2 men was that important. 30mins of predictable laughs, Sheen move on. It's an effin TV show, gnarley gnarlington poser - @ryenrussillo - Wow. Bitter. Nice!

At ths point...my Cup O' Sheen runneth over. I mean....how do I even find a home for all this genius? @notthefakeSVP - Wow. Snakry. Nice!

Seriously now, did anyone ever expect Charlie Sheen to become more bizarre than Rick Vaughn? @howaboutafresca - Yep. Look at him. He reeks bizarre.

Charlie Sheen: "Drug tests don't lie. Scoreboard doesn't lie." Don't know what that means but that's my favorite quote so far of his. @howaboutafresca - Actually, ball don't lie is better.

Justin Bieber is 17 now... he safe for one more year until I can pick a street fight with his ass @davechappelle - I'd pay to see that.

How terrifying would it be to actually not know the difference between your ass and a hole in the ground? @Conanobrien - I know some people we could test to find out.

"That's a great sports question. Can we get a man to read it now so we can take it seriously"- @danieltosh (I know I shouldn't laugh!!) @ESPN_Michelle - Would be funnier if it wasn't so true.

If a dude tells you the score giving the smaller score before the larger score, do you really need to know anything else? Nope. @notthefakeSVP - My ALL-TIME petty pet peeve.

Know someone funny I should be following, let me know.

Tweets of the Week Part 6

And the winners are ...

The Week 6 TotW crop is a slight improvement thanks for a little more time on my end to mine for those little golden nuggests of tweety goodness that are overlooked when I'm very busy. And the Oscars on Sunday night provided some good fodder - Pete Abraham of the Globe is especially funny - he's a must follow @PeteAbe, even for Yankee fans.

Somehow I can't bring myself to celebrate Presidents' Day, because I'm still pretty p.o.'d at Franklin Pierce.
@alyankovic - Wasn't he the doctor on M*A*S*H?

OK, where have I been? Melo to the Knicks-who cares? I don't. But I guess New Yorkers do right? Baseball won't be much fun for them. LOL @nsnsports.net - Gotta love Spring Training smack talk.

Beyoncé, Mariah Carey and Usher paid huge sums to play for #Gaddafi family. That's enough reason to throw his dumb ass out of power. @jivanjames - The only person on Twitter consistently more funny than @PeteAbe is @jivanjames - His real name is John James and he works at the Free Press ... for now. (He'll get that joke.)

At home, drinking alone. Some say this is a sign of alcoholism. I say it's a sign of dedication. #halfbottleofvodkatogo @jivanjames - Everyone needs a hobby.

Just wrote a poem: "I would have to wash out my jockey/if the G-Men pick up Shockey/Toss Shockey the rocky/I hate hockey" @JeremyShockey @therealcarl2 - Brilliant!

Pilot just showed! Plane applauds. Unfortunately, the tags on his carry-on read "Holiday Inn Express." @richeisen - Sorely missed on SportsCenter.

Rose is dirty great ass player @ozzieguillen - Ozzie either likes Derrick Rose's game a lot or he thinks he's a hottie with a hygiene problem.

Charlie Sheen says he's "addicted to winning." Good thing- he's current frontrunner for biggest d in the land!!
@Michelle_ESPN - Charlie needs to learn to speak his mind.

The "Pajama Jeans" infomercial that plays during the 2am-3am hour is the saddest hour of the day.
@SarakKSilverman - Untrue - I can't wait until they make these for men.

We should all Twitter like Anne Hathaway speaks. So ... I'm off to bed now. Woooooooo! @PeteAbe - I think this is funny - Wooooooooo!

Phones should have an Oscars app that plays increasingly louder music when somebody you're talking to starts to babble @PeteAbe - My brain actually does this. Usually, it plays the theme from Magnum, P.I. This is fortunate because my head bobs even as I tune out.

I am live-tweeting the Oscars!!! This Sucks. Now I am done live-tweeting the Oscars. @therealcarl2 - I with ya Carl. People I've never heard of winning awards for movies I'll never see. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

(Weak) Tweets of the Week 5

Not sure if I need to follow funnier people or if my standards for a checkle are getting too high, but here's a very small batch of TotW.

I imagine whales feel like oversized bumpy pickles. #random
@Alphacat1 - This would be a great name for an indy-rock band.

I think they have the air conditioning on here at Collins Perley... Coldest hockey rink I've ever been in!
@WCAX_Seth - Go about 10 miles further north to Highgate and you will see just how wrong a person can be.

So..Watson wins on Jeopardy, huh? When that thing comes to life I, Robot style and sh*t gets sinister.... remember SVP tried to tell ya. @notthefakeSVP - Relax Scott, that's at least a couple years away.

Justin Beiber is so young he doesn't even sweat yet?!?! Now that's just not right.
@ESPN_Michelle - I think Ms. Beadle has a crush.

1 melatonin, normal... 2 melatonin = CRAY CRAY dreams of petting tiny albino baby turtles and talking to a tree stump. help. @katyperry - Yes. I follow Katy Perry - she has me living a teenage dream.

Tweets of the Week chapter 4

Hey all, gotta confess I was a little busy this week and the TotW are a little on the light side but what they lack in quantity hopefully they make up for in quality. For those who want to make sure their TotW-worthy postings are seen, might I suggest you DM me after your post.

Also, I've cleaned out some of my follow clutter and am looking for some topical and funny folks to follow - all suggestions will be followed (for a while, at least.)

Thanks for checking back!

***

Watching Rocky, drinking Theraflu from a hotel glass while reading my wife's Bachelor tweets 3k miles away. Reminds me of the night we met. @sportsguy33 - I prefer Pertussin with club soda, as George Costanza says: "It's quite refreshing."

Rugby is grown men dressed like bumblebees reenacting a prison shower scene @therealcarl2 - I played Rugby once at JSC - lasted 30 seconds and someone hit me so hard I didn't care that the girl was trying to impress saw me cry.

Soccer is just a bunch of kickers that couldn't make it in the NFL @therealcarl2 - Did I mention my first rule if I was named world soccer czar would be the first goal wins and goalies can't use their hands. Now that's a sport!

Just watched my show. Is it just me, or do I look like a women’s basketball coach? @ConanOBrien - I was thinking a woman, a very skinny, big-headed woman. Named Skeletor.

This next series of posts - which came in five minute intervals for 25 minutes - are why, if I could only follow one person on Twitter, it would be @OzzieGuillen.

Why the pizza take so friking long

Nice pizza for my diet yess ready for springtraining

I going to star my diet in arizona ease help

Please help me to lose my panza @OzzieGuillen - WTH is a panza?

Que comica en la asamblea de venezuela que ejemplo estamos dando que lastima que gente como esa decidan en nuestro pais que bolas tienen - I'm guessing this post means either he was he was happy with his pizza, found his panzas or assembled a comic in Venezuela.

Today I received my 1099 for 2010, covering book royalties. Thirty-three dollars and ninety-nine cents. O, the glamorous world of authoring! @RobNeyer - Blogging (and journalism) are just as (not) lucrative.

Enosburg hangs on for a 29-39 win. @LamoureuxPhoto - Unless they are playing golf, this score is only half right - just picking big guy - (but seriously, the higher score always come first).

When Ray Kinsella takes Terrence Mann to Fenway, 2 dogs and 2 beers costs $7. Field of Dreams really is a fantasy. Still love it @PeteAbe (Two dogs and a soda at any high school sports game comes close these days - man, that's an old - but great flick.)

What a week for @Twitter. No better place to comment on the #Grammys or to help overthrow the government of #Egypt. @TomCaron - Amen!

This Bieber/Usher thing is kinda creepy. Someone call child protective services. @jivanjames - Amen again - a real MJ-Culkin vibe - I expected Bubbles burst onto the scene at any moment.

That's all I got - not a lot - but a month has passed and TotW is alive and well. Whoda thunk it?